o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Just high enough for therapy.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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