I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
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