Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
