Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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