Joe is yelling at the trees again.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize