I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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