for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
