I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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