My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
