we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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