Non-Jews are for practice
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
