i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
