No awkward lesbian experiences without me
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
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