I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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