Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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