The maid of honor just puked.
it hurts more in the daytime
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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