I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
