I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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