I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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