I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
