It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Alive.
So much puke
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
