I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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