I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
