Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
