He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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