Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
