I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
