its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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