I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
