Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
