it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
