no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
There's always time for handjobs
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
