WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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