dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
