I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
