I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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