i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
