He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
How naked do you want me to be?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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