So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
