god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
