Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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