Can i not drive my cunt home
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
