who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I just googled if crying burns calories
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize