Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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