i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
