I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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