if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
