She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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