you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
