All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
