I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
