So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
