It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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