I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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