Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
