I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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