3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
You're earring is so big in my mouth
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
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