I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Rumble strips road head = magical
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
