My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Porn is love you can see.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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