Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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