well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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