you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Congratulations! We have a period
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
