Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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