That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
