Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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