omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
