i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
