There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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