Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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