that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
