Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
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