I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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