i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
