don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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