what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
it was like eating out sand paper
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
