I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
