Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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