i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
