Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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