sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
