dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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