A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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