i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
