I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
