Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
