my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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