The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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