I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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