I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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