Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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