you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
